Suspenseful Races

I haven't gone to the gym or worked out (at all!) for nearly two months now. The nausea and exhaustion has been barely bearable (and I've yet to lose a battle to vomiting, not about to lose one now! Haha!), so I've been resting a lot at home. This time around is definitely somewhat worse than the first time. Very unexpected.

And now I've got two (or is it three....??) races in the next two months to complete.. and I'm a nervous wreck! Not training is the worse thing a runner can do to him/herself!

So this Monday I'm dragging myself out of bed, nausea or not. Off to the kiara hills again for training I go.

Hope baby'll cope well in there with the training and all.

White Flag, Flagged

Remember how I've hung my white kitchen towel as a surrender-flag..?

Yessss sirree.

If you asked me a year ago if I wanted another maid after our imposter-of-a-maid ran off, I'd have told you "No way!" ....

After a year blinked by and everyday my life is consumed by laundry, dishes, screaming kid (and parents! i.e. us screaming at each other!)... this no-salary, no-promotion job has definitely taken its toll. H and I haven't had a date in a year, I haven't done any marketing or lecturing-related job in a year (don't even ask me what's the latest in the marketing or education world, dudes..), the only movies we see are cartoon flicks with Gibran yakking away in our ears and us trying to hush him as he bothers the people around us with his constant yakking, my sleeping time has been reduced to 2 am to 8 am (very unhealthy).. and the worst part was my increased grouchiness.

I indeed salute those full-time maidless housewives and full-time maidless working mums out there for their dedication and willingness of continual self-sacrifice done without an ounce of grouchiness. Because obviously I'm not one of those.

So, braving the tense-ness and frustrations that come with having a maid.. we're trying out a new maid right now. She arrived four days ago and is learning the ropes, as we speak.

No I'm not gonna say anything about her or the situation. I'm not evaluating her. I'm not judging her. I'm not saying it's good, or it's not good. I'm only saying... Tawakkaltu A'lallah... I am leaving this 100% to the Almighty. I pray that this maid is a good human being inside. That's it.

Nothing is within my control. It is all in His hands.

On my part... the only thing I can say is... DANG, I'll have to look into job opportunities for next year.

Soon.

The Ridiculous Need for a Maid

We've been maid-less for nearly a year now and although it's been enlighteningly peaceful in the sense that your house is your own and you can even walk around the house naked if you want to coz there's no pain in the arse stranger skulking around your domain..... it hasn't been easy either.

I salute people who can go maid-less for years and years. Heck, for their whole lives, even. I salute people who don't let the laundry and the water spots on the floor get to them in the nastiest ways. I salute people who can live a normal life while not having a maid. I salute people who say yeahhhh, I can do this, no sweat, who needs a blardy maid?

Well it turns out I am not one of those people.

I need help scrubbing the toilets and the kitchen floor. Though this spine is strong and running marathons these days, it still can't tolerate long period of strains involving lots of bendings and squattings.

I need to feel the occasional freedom of going out without a kid to chase around while attempting to shop for things amidst shouts of; "Ban! You're wandering too far off, come back here!"... and more importantly, I need to feel the stress-free element of not burdening my kid on my parents or my in-laws whenever I need to go out without Gibran and am forced to leave him under their care for a certain period of time. That feeling that you're burdening someone (although your own family) is enough to cast a rain-cloud on my head everytime I go out Gibran-less because I feel stressed and rushed to get home quick, for fear of causing too much trouble and burden on his caregivers.

And for a purely selfish reason.. I need to have someone to delegate chores to, so that I can feel like I have an opportunity to live my life like a normal human being is supposed to. Not a human being who moans over spots on the floors and dishes that mountain up on the countertops when there is absolutely noone to help at all.

So go ahead, call me spoilt, call me selfish, call me drama-queen. Being a full-time stay-at-home mom with noone to help with folding a single piece of linen or washing a single piece of plate is absolutely the hardest job I've had to take on.

Some people can do it. Some people can be so relaxed in everything that they do. But I can't. I'm the type of person who mops the floors every single night and makes sure the countertops are spotless upon my final examination (nightly of course) before turning into bed.

Which, as pointed out by dear Hubs and various countless parties.. as seriously unhealthy.

So there.

I hang my white kitchen towels and give in.

One maid coming right up.

And please Allah, let her be sane and good.

Baby Baby

I do. not. like. it when people ask me when we'd be having our number two.

A second child lah, that is.

A good friend with bigger fertility problems than mine used to reply.. "Esok! Esok aku keluarkan sebijik baby, tengok lah nanti!" with a wink and a smile so convincing, you'd never imagine the pain in that heart every time the question was asked.

Fertile people do not know the pain that infertility causes. They can say they do, but in all honesty, they. really. don't.

But in the meantime, I'll be saying this a lot, I can imagine.

"Tomorrow! Tomorrow I'll pop a baby out, you just see!"

Deactivating FB

Today, just a minute ago, I deactivated my FB account.

It felt good. It felt like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders.

Ah bliss.

I have my own reasons to deactivate the account of course, but it hit me with full-force reality today that I've been online for more than half my life and I am sick of online politics. Ain't it enough that real-life politics can drag you down and challenge your beliefs? As one gets older, why must one subject oneself to unnecessarily added politics and stress that can be easily avoided with one button.

"DEACTIVATE ACCOUNT".

Done.

The Mummy Group

After three years, I finally made some Mummy friends. Don't get me wrong, I do have friends who have babies, but we hardly ever see each other and lets face it, sometimes people just draw apart. The reality is that most of my closest friends aren't Mummies just yet. Not that I'm complaining coz they are always soo kind towards Gibran, but it's nice to have Mummy pals too :)

Being a SAHM is not all roses. Sometimes you feel quite alone.

It's just nice to know that there are others who feel the same way too.

We talk about cooking, cleaning, and all those boring stuff that takes up 24 hours of our time. We talk about hangnails and rough hands that handle abrasive detergents and are in need of some tender loving care. We talk about our kids and how they are so alike and so different. We talk about how fat our tummies are and how we never (ever) have time to ourselves even for 15 minutes of exercise a day. We talk about forgotten dreams and sacrificed ambitions that have been laid to rest, albeit perhaps restlessly. We talk about all sorts of junks that would bore a typical woman, just because we need some other house-wife soul to talk to.

Sometimes we sit down for a short chat after the kids go into class in the mornings. Then some of us would go home and finish the morning's chores. Sometimes we get together for breakfast and talk and talk, until the morning's chores were left undone and piled up just waiting at the doorstep when we reach home later. Sometimes we say lets forget those silly housechores and lets go shopping and spend some money just because we deserve it, dammit.

Some friendships you just hope they'll last.

Amen.

The Silent Fart

While dining at Mum's Place a couple of weeks back, I saw this sign on display..


Hah!

Let me just say that I agree with the "nobody ever notices who did it" part but.. the feeling good part...

Maybe it should say "nobody ever notices who did it but it stinks anyway."

Or to be more precise, in my opinion.. "... it stinks and it feels good." Now, that's accurate!

The Honda

A couple of weeks back we finally got the Honda back from the workshop where it's been for the past 3 and a half months. Yesss. Can you believe that the wrecked Honda took 3 months to repair and all insurance papers cleared. Total repairs came up to more than 9k.

All I can say is I'm glad that the wreck was the Honda, and not the man who was inside it. Alhamdulillah, syukur.

Now the next issue to deal with is whether we'd be keeping the Honda or letting it go for a new car. It rattles when driven fast now :(


From left; Gibran's ride, H's ride and my ride. Together again ;p

A Good Day

I thought turning 31 would be as little fun as turning 30. For the sake of my very good and caring friends I'll say that the highlight of turning 30 was when they surprised me with a high fiber cheesecake for me to have all to myself because not one of them actually liked the high fiber cheesecake.. well, accept for me, of course. So yes, I appreciated the cheesecake :)

Yesterday night as I was feeling sorry for myself and thinking about the countless ambitions and dreams that I thought I'd lived through at the coming of age 31 (un-materialised dreams of course), the sweet man that I married came to sit with me even though he had lectures to give early in the morning. When he asked me what was bothering me most, and I said that I have so little to show for right now, he'd proceeded to list all the things that I've got to show for. Things that I thought he didn't even notice and things that I didn't even notice or think about. He sat with me well through the night as I cleaned, swept, mopped and folded laundry. And I thought.. yes, this'll be a bearable birthday after all.

Then the three women in my family (Mom, Sister and Aunty) took me out for lunch at TGIF and we had a ball. We shopped well into late evening, acting for once as if we were reallyy ladies of leisure. No chores, no errands, no worries. Just chatting and of course chasing after Gibran who got high on too much ice-cream.

The late evening tested me with Gibran who got cranky from tiredness and a nasty sugar crash. For the first time in a longg time I very nearly lose my temper (on a full-blown level!) and threatened him with a clothes hanger. So I thought.. phew. What a birthday this is. Birthdays are just simply crappy as you get older.

Then the girls (my girl pals, that is!) took me out for dinner and my parents volunteered to babysit Gibran. So for the first time in a longgg time since I became a "lady of leisure" (anyone want a severe beating if they dare say this to me again??), I had a girls' night out.

As the day was approaching its end, my long lost estranged best friend (who was my best friend for 24 years) called to with happy birthday and to tell me that she missed me and that there is still hope for our friendship.

And when I got home with a chatty but sleepy Gibran by my side, and H (who had to attend his company's annual dinner tonight) met us with big hugs and smooches to tell us he'd missed us at the dinner and he'd won a water heater in the lucky draw.. I started to wonder if birthdays aren't overrated after all.

Some birthdays can be good. Mine was today :) Thank you, God.

That's the great thing about having a birthday with no expectations whatsoever.

To Do List #1

This is to remind me of things that I deserve to do for myself while Gib's in school. Things that are long distance memories of the past.

1. Go waxing. Better still, go have all unwanted hair permanently removed. Hmm.. that's a thought.

2. Have a much needed-and-desired pedicure. To me nothing's more relaxing than this.

3. Sit back and just relax with a good book. Spiritual readings should be prioritised.

4. Go to the movies alone. A movie of my choice, with popcorns all to myself.

5. Have a proper haircut. The last haircut I had was done by... me. Yes.. shudder.

6. Convince H to take the morning off and go on a date. This coincidentally happened on Wednesday (H had to take MC due to throat infection) and we'd had a breakfast date for the first time in years. I'd even forgotten how fun dates are..! So.. this is a must-do-more.

We'll see how much I'd achieved in a month's time ;)

Mandi Garam

Yesterday night as H was about to grill some lamb for his supper..

H: "Garam habis, yang? Can you get me some salt?"
Me: "Oh yaa I finished it just now. Wait, I'll get a new pack from the pantry. Don't move around the kitchen floor! I just mopped it!"

Salt in hand...

Me: "Here, catch, baby!"
H: "No don't throw!! It might hit the fan and nanti the garam might burst and there'll be garam all over!"
Me: "Huahauahauuaaaa... yeah right! I'm not that bad, you know!"

Guess what happened next?

No, you don't get any prizes for a correct guess.

Suffice to say, our kitchen looked like it snowed salt and today the floors look and feel like the floors of a beach-side resort; smudgy and sticky.

I have to say, my beloved is a gem. He didn't even scold or cuss at me. He stood there, bathed in salt, and laughed himself silly. Then he proceeded to clean the kitchen with no complains.

I got me a gem indeed.


Picture taken one day after my second spinal surgery, when H brought Gib visiting at the hospital ward (May 2008).

New Year's Resolutions

1. To prioritise my little family above all others. Basically, to stop caring so much about what everybody else thinks and do what is best for my family.

2. To be a better wife and mother. Less temperamental and moody about things. InsyaAllah. Help me God!

3. To think of things in small steps, rather than always imagining the big picture and then lose my top because the big picture always always seems like it's just too damn much to handle. Phew. Ok... step one.... think now. Do what's needed to be done now. Not what needs to be done in 30 minutes.. an hour... two... a day... you get the idea.

4. To set aside a minimum of 30 minutes a day to pure spiritual devotion. With the maid gone and housework always piling up, I've neglected my readings (i.e. the Quran and religious readings).. this is seriously frustrating because I know this should be made a priority. So.. lets start with small steps again. Thirty minutes a day for starters. InsyaAllah.

There. That's it for now. Small steps.. remember?

On "Housewives"

"Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it."

Ain't that true?

H isn't the typical sort of man who never helps with the housechores. He vacuums, he cleans, he washes (everything including Gib's bum bum), and his latest obsession is hunting for ants all over the house. I wouldn't know what I'd do without him.

But I still get bothered sometimes by that age-old question. That li'l question that must've crossed any woman's mind at some point of time. Perhaps for some, the question would never be said, and would be thought of in different ways. But for me it's really simple.

Is this really worth it?

A woman is called a "housewife", which always sounds (to me at least) like she does nothing but sits, at home. Sort of like a house cat.. or a house dog. Any kind of house pet. And you know what housepets do. Imagine a "housecat". A housecat eats, lazes, plays, poos and pees in the house. A housecat seldom roams outside. So, really, it makes you wonder. Who on earth came up with the term "housewife" lah..?

You know why I can't help but ask myself that question up there sometimes..?

Coz you know you run the house (ok ok so in this paragraph the word "you" means "me" lah okayyy). Without you, without your hands, your efforts, and your obsession with organising and managing the house.. you know the house'll fall apart. Sure, people will survive, life will go on. After all, noone is indispensable. But as the days go by and you do ALL the little things that needs to be done in the house, you start to wonder if anyone notices all these things you do. Your hands get sore and your back starts aching. And then ultimately you'll definitely start wondering if the pains and efforts are all worth it because.. does anyone even notice all these things you're doing..?

So little do people know.. what a "housewife" really wishes for is appreciation. Appreciation and love and respect for her needs sometimes. Maybe once in a while the housewife could go out with the girls and have a fun little shopping trip. Or maybe have that much needed pedicure. Or even 20 minutes all to herself to work out and feel good about herself and her body. That'd be nice.

It's different for men. However helpful the men are, it'll always be different. The men get to go to work. The men get paid to go to work. The men can have lunches with colleagues and friends. The men get personal time to work out or fun activities like recreational sports.

It might sound so petty and whiny, but I never really thought about this until I became a full-fledged, maid-less housewife myself. And no, sorry ladies.. you won't totally get this if you've got a maid at hand to help you out. My Mom, for instance, always had help at hand. It's a different kind of game plan if you are the sole person responsible for your home, and everyone in it, and all of their individual needs. For the first time in my life, I'm seeing things from the perspectives of a honest-to-goodness-fulltime-housewife.

I somehow stumbled into this piece of writing as I was surfing the net. And it made me wonder why people often give so little thought to needs of a fulltime "housewife". I'll come to the conclusion now. Below is the thing that I need to say. This is the thing that needs to be said because I finally understand what being a "housewife" is all about. And it needs to be said because these people get so little credit. I never gave them much thought before this as well. So now that I've been forced to join their ranks, I have to say this. As cheesy as it sounds.

Being a "Housewife" is definitely a JOB.

You don't get paid. You often don't even get noticed. You'd hardly ever get promoted. In fact sometimes you'd get demoted. There're no KPIs to fulfill. But IT'S A JOB. No holidays. No breaks. Just an ongoing, unstopping, demanding sort of JOB.

And I absolutely salute you ladies out there who proudly call yourself "Housewives". Those who've gone through this, those who are going through it as we speak, and especially those who do it from the sincerest depths of their hearts.

People can think and say whatever they want when they read this. But this person's point of view pertaining "Housewives" would never again be askewed.

Giving in to Feel-Good-Cravings

As I finished hanging the laundry (yes I do my washing at all hours of the day), I had a sudden craving for something salty. Salty and crunchy and utterly fattening. It's that time of the month again when you can see Aunt Flo waving from around the corner, shrieking; "Yoohoooo! I'm coming there!".. and so you just suddenly feel like eating the weirdest things at the weirdest hours of the day (or night).

So I went into the pantry (ooh how I love our pantry) and started rummaging through the shelves. I mentally clicked my heels together in merriment the minute I unearthed the Super Ring that H bought for me from our new-crazy-roti-man (the fella's a new roti-man who follows after his predecessor's need to keep honking throughout the neighbourhood), and settled down in front of the forever-cheesy Crossing Jordan (cheesy Super Ring for a cheesy show.. good eh?).

I'm seriously not a dainty eater. You wouldn't catch me eating my pizzas with forks and knifes. Or KFC and Nando's with cuttleries. When H and I started dating, he was surprised at how I was when I ate. Tak heran at all about impressing the man sitting in front of me. Hehhh. And don't get me started on how fast I've trained myself to eat ever since we've had Gibran. I can finish a whole plate of food in under 5 minutes, I kid you not. So.. anyway, there I was happily stuffing my mouth full of Super Ring and savouring its artificial tastes in every corner of my mouth when the Biggest Loser ads started coming on.

Gahhh. Talk about spoilt sports. Kacauuuuuu betol. Ruin the good feeling that I was feeling. Sheesh.

Grasping and struggling to get out of my very comfortable vegging-out position on the couch to reach over the remote.. I quickly changed to Asian Food Channel.

Ooooh. Nigella making prawn fritters. Or was it some sort of prawn cakes. Who cares??? I'm not a hugee fan of Nigella's cooking techniques, but I like her just fine. All I know was that the good feeling was coming back real fast. Now just look at that Nigella stuffing her face with that oily and yummy-looking fried prawns. And you gotta admire that woman for looking so darn beautiful although it's obvious that those clothes are definitely not anywhere close to a size 10. Heyy.. I can cook that prawn thingy too tomorrow. Yeah why not? Definitely feeling good now.

Crossing Jordan might be starting again. Go back to Hallmark channel. Hurry hurry. You might miss the ending.

And there's that blasted Biggest Loser ad again!!!!!

Change change change the channel!

And there's Nigella doing her routine nightly raid of her refrigerator, dipping her nachos into some sort of really fattening-looking dip (woah... cheesy.. just like these Super Rings..)... And she scoops right in and took the whole bowl out for her to feast on.

Now that's what I call Feel Good TV.

*Broad smile* Burp..

Imagining The Morbid

I'm morbid. I'm the "harbinger of doom" whenever the subject of death comes up, as dubbed by a close friend of ours. I can't help it. Growing up, death was on my mind a lot. The ill treatments I got in school due to my ugly spinal braces (lets not go into that in detail) made me think that there must be a better place than this place we're in right now. As time went by and life got better, I often forgot death. Then Ninie passed away, and death is never really far away from my mind since then. But in a morbid sort of way, I wish I could treat death as a closer friend. For the truth is.. death is one thing in life that all of us can never avoid.

On days when the boys are singing their joyful songs and do something silly that makes me laugh, or when H hugs and kisses me and I feel like a true beautiful queen, and when I feel Gibran's body warm against mine while I sniff his boyish scent at bedtime.. death sometimes seems like it can never touch us.

Then H got into the accident last week and brings Ninie into my mind again. The split second of shock she must've felt at that last moment of awakeness, before her head slammed into the wheel and shattered everything that was Ninie, sending her deep into a comma. Then she left her mortal self behind for us to weep over. Thousands of times I often wondered, and still do; what on earth was it like for her at that split second... when the car slammed into the lorry.. her last moments of living. The truth is I cannot vividly imagine what she must've gone through. Because the scenes I imagine are so vividly frightening. Full of pain. So hideous.

Is death really all that? I don't know. Wallahualam.

All I know is that I cannot say how syukur I am that H didn't experience that during that split second when his car was hit, and he went into that skid, and when the car banged into the tree and broke the tree into half.

Ultimately noone can cheat death.

But for now, Allah, thank You for H's life. For our lives.

So what's my excuse for not writing?

There're plenty of them, I assure you.

First there was Ramadhan. Although not the easiest of Ramadhans, it was a wonderful, wonderful Ramadhan. Alhamdulillah.

Then there was the Raya celebration. This Raya we managed to jalan-jalan A LOT. Gibran is a wonderful toddler who handles himself well. Boleh bawak kiri, boleh bawak kanan. So we managed to visit quite a number of relatives. It was good.

Now, there's this little issue of the runaway maid. Hooboy. While my heart sings in joy over the fact that I do not have to constantly doa and zikir for patience in handling a hopeless case of a maid, my body is achy with all the work to be done around the house. Thankfully today the cleaning lady is here, relieving me off many chores. And leaving me with time to blog. Nyehhh ;)

The maid was a test I fear I failed, or with God's rahmat, very nearly failed while barely scraping through. Never have I had a more trying time trying to keep my patience and goodwill. Perhaps this is the way my prayers were answered. I prayed to be strong to go through what time was left with the maid in our home, and even to be relieved off the problem. And that's been done for me.

Who'd have thought that not having a maid can be so spiritually relaxing? Alhamdulillah, Subhanallah!

Now on to the next day.

What The Mind Needs

H was up late writing out the course outline of a new subject module he is handling next semester. Since it was advertising-related, he asked for some advise from the so-called-marketing-specialist in the house. Yours truly lah, who else. Kah kah kah.

Then yours truly realised that.... ohmigosh!...

OTAK KARAT ALREADY!!

I thought I was doing a good job (obviously so perasan and angkat bakul!) of keeping the mind sharp. I make sure I read a lot (any subject will do, but in the past year it's been heavy on the religious and spiritual side, Alhamdulillah), I have Arabic classes twice a week and make sure that I revise whenever I can and I undertake personal projects that are of significance to myself and my family (e.g. create books for Gibran, various notebooks for myself, sewing, cooking, trying new things..). All for the sake of keeping the mind and soul sharp. But obviously it hasn't been good enough!

So there I was, trying to help H out with his subject module.. and slowly I felt that part of my brain waking up once again. After that I did my night-time readings and Arabic revision, and found it somewhat easier than usual.

Which made me wonder if I should go back to part-time work again. Just to get rid of that KARAT-ness from the mind and soul.

Then there is that small part of me that is afraid that work would consume me again (I am a person of extremes.. I kid you not. I do everything too obsessively..) and leave me with little time for the spiritual side of life.

Some people can do it all. I have come to accept the fact that attempting to do-it-all made me a grumpy person. Which in turn affected my family in negative ways.

So there. The dilemma stays. For now.



Note to self: Must look for ways to exercise the brain further!

Why I Don't Like Having a Maid

The main reason I don't like having a maid is because they're a test to the heart and soul. In other words; "mencabar keimanan". At least that's how I feel.

Having a maid is suppose to simplify your life. But this is not usually the case. In the mornings our maid cleans the house and does the laundry. You might think this means that the employer's worries about cleanliness and clothes are non-existent, but this isn't so. There is the constant worry and need to check whether the maid's using the washing machine correctly (many a machines have been destroyed at various maids' hands), and whether the clothes are hung correctly. Clothes would be hung peg-less and many a piece of clothing would be scattered all over the garden if checking isn't done. Clothes would also stink and stain if they are not cleaned and washed properly, which is often the case in our house. And there's the ironing issue. Many clothes have been burnt and scarred by poor usage of the iron and so the ironing is also another chore requiring constant check-ups.

So those are the worries one has concerning the maid and the laundry. Lets get down to the next issue of cleaning and cleanliness.

Using the vacuum cleaner requires constant guidance and monitoring as well. Although taught to use the vacuum many times, our maid still uses it wrongly. Vacuum is left switched on for too long until the motor feels like it's about to explode. Dust isn't emptied correctly and servicing would be required soon after. Yet another machine with a history of many ill-treatments at the hand of various maids. Washing the toilet needs constant spot-checks too. Brushes meant for usage on the toilet floor would be used for the sinks and tubs if not checked on. Whatever that has been taught ten times would have to be repeated constantly over the weeks just in case the maid claims; "Saya dah lupa.." about what you teach.

And then there're the hygiene issues.

Repeatedly told not to rub her nose or play with her toenails and such (yes the maid does this) while feeding the kid... the maid would still do it if one doesn't keep an eagle eye on her. How'd you feel about a hair or (worse still) a booger in your kid's food?

Then there're all the other small things that you've taught but are constantly done wrong because... "Saya lupa.." ("I forgot") or "Saya ingatkan boleh buat begitu.." ("I thought it could be done this way"). Want examples? Using the sponge to wash plates to wash sinks and stovetops is one such example. Or "forgetting" to clean the brown stains and scums in various parts of the toilets when asked to wash the toilet. Or even forgetting to take her own mid-day shower which results in a really stinky body odour by early evening (errr.. God forgive me for saying this).

So if you still think having a maid simplifies life, think again. If you're one of the blessed people who have good maids, good on you! But if you're right here in the same boat as I am in...

May God give us strength and patience indeed!

I need a maid because God gave me the test of the spine. I cannot do a lot of housework and am not allowed to lift Gib when necessary. At every mealtime the maid lifts Gib into his high-chair and during car rides, the maid lifts him into his carseat. When / If Gib is unwell and needs cuddling, the maid lifts him up and puts him on my lap because I am not allowed to do this myself. So yes.. having a maid is a necessity to me. And as Allah is my witness, the maid is also one of life's biggest trials that God has sent me. Wallahualam. I should be glad that my life's trials are not bigger than mere maid-issues.

But as usual there is one last thing that needs to be said.

To those without maids, I envy you and respect you for making that choice.

And one day when the child(ren) are grown up and there isn't a need to have a stay-in maid, I'm sure there are other things to complain about. Hehh. C'est la vie!

Ramadhan's Challenges

Already some personal challenges have come my way. I am quite sad at the turn of events. But alas, there is still time and hope to ponder and improve in this wonderful month. InsyaAllah. May God guide me to a better path here onwards.

Some people have been "carrying their mouths" ("bawak mulut" ..) and saying untrue things which could get in the way of one of the oldest relationships I've had in my life. No, not with H lah. I'm talking about one of oldest, most treasured friends. One of the few I still hold on to and have hopes to one day share stories about our grandchildren.

I must write about this because it is something we can and must learn from.

Don't exaggerate or make-up stories about non-existent issues. Your seemingly harmless lies may harm people in ways you cannot imagine and unknown to you.

Although we say we don't do this.. in reality we all do. In some way or another. In little ways or in big ways. Whatever it is, now that the hurt is right here in my field, I say we should all strive to always be aware of what we say or do. For in doing and saying things that we think are harmless, we could possibly bring hurt into other people's lives.

We could and should strive to be better people, friends. Maybe we can improve together.

Cobaan...

Remember in Pendekar Bujang Lapok when the three jokers were chanting the "Hey Mambang kuning, mambang whatever.." mantra, whenever they were disrupted they'd say.. "COBAAN...!"
(i.e. cubaan @ dugaan @ a test).

I don't know if it was too much P. Ramlee movies as a kid, but I say that a lot whenever I'm disturbed or perturbed. In all seriousness or as a joke. "COBAAN..." always seems to be the one-word phase that covers pretty much how I feel about the situation at hand.

And on the first day of Ramadhan, one was sent down to me.

Right after breaking fast and praying Maghrib.. I got my period.

COBAAN....

I'm really sad about this this time around because this is the first time I'm fasting in five years. I've waited for this Ramadhan with such anticipation, only to have it flail on the very first night.

But, Allah knows best.

Even with Aunt Flo's visit, there're ways to still reap the benefits of Ramadhan, I'm sure.

Do zikirs, do doas. Read the Quran and its terjemahans. Jauhkan from all negativities and sikap buruk. I can't seem to do this as well as I wish I could, but in trying to control our nafsu, there is Ibadah there. Insyaallah.

Anybody else has any tips to share for those of us who can't fast at the moment? I know Sarah's in the same boat as I am right now.

"Saya budak baru belajar, kalau salah tolong tunjukkan.."

Happy fasting to those who can :)