Friends of the Heart

I love my old friends. I really do. We've been through thick and thin. They've tolerated so much from me, and vice versa I'm sure ;)

But alas, even old friends change.

When I gave birth to Gibran and chose to change my priorities, I was shocked when I actually lost some friends. The biggest shocker for me was losing my oldest, best-est friend. At least, I thought she was. When my priorities changed and family became my main priority (instead of career, friends and fun).. I lost her, and a few more.

To tell you the truth, I was 15 weeks pregnant with Gibran when I was first exposed to the idea of the life-changing magnitude a baby would bring. A bunch of us were vacationing at a friend's seaside summer home in a town two hours outside Melbourne CBD (gosh, can't recall the name of the place now), when our friend Mr. Murali told H..

"When your baby is born, you'll see who your real friends are. You'll lose some, you know. Don't worry about it. You'll see who will really stick by you."

Back then I thought it was such a joke.

Why would our lives change so drastically? I'd had the same best friends since I was in primary school. I was so sure life would pretty much be the same post-baby.

Gosh, how wrong was I lah....?

Gibran was born. He was so so so ill. He nearly died. And that was the closest brush I had to mortality, other than when Ninie my best bud had died a year before that.

Realisation of mortality changes you. Big time.

When we started turning down invitations to go out, even during broad daylight (because of a constantly ill infant), the number of friends H and I had..... dwindled.

When my implants got infected and I chose to quit work for good and stay home for good (because there were so many missed moments with my child already, after so many months of being sick and confined to the bed, not being able to participate in the "living" of daily routines..)... the number dwindled even further.

It was a huge reality check.

Whatever it is, the ones I still have, I cherish so very much. Really, I do.

They might not know it, they might not believe it. But my family and the few friends I have... are the very core of my world.

I do wish I could see them more often! But everyone has their own lives and I respect that. Just as I'm sure they respect my life as well.

And that acceptance of the bad that comes with all the good that friends bring... is indeed what I hope will sustain our friendships till our golden years. InsyaAllah. Amen.


Gosh we don't look that young anymore, do we?! I must find a picture when we were in our 20s and do a comparison soon ;p


Mummy friends help me remain sane.


For their acceptance of my little (not-so-little) baby... I can't thank them enough.

How did your life change...?

Cobaan...

Remember in Pendekar Bujang Lapok when the three jokers were chanting the "Hey Mambang kuning, mambang whatever.." mantra, whenever they were disrupted they'd say.. "COBAAN...!"
(i.e. cubaan @ dugaan @ a test).

I don't know if it was too much P. Ramlee movies as a kid, but I say that a lot whenever I'm disturbed or perturbed. In all seriousness or as a joke. "COBAAN..." always seems to be the one-word phase that covers pretty much how I feel about the situation at hand.

And on the first day of Ramadhan, one was sent down to me.

Right after breaking fast and praying Maghrib.. I got my period.

COBAAN....

I'm really sad about this this time around because this is the first time I'm fasting in five years. I've waited for this Ramadhan with such anticipation, only to have it flail on the very first night.

But, Allah knows best.

Even with Aunt Flo's visit, there're ways to still reap the benefits of Ramadhan, I'm sure.

Do zikirs, do doas. Read the Quran and its terjemahans. Jauhkan from all negativities and sikap buruk. I can't seem to do this as well as I wish I could, but in trying to control our nafsu, there is Ibadah there. Insyaallah.

Anybody else has any tips to share for those of us who can't fast at the moment? I know Sarah's in the same boat as I am right now.

"Saya budak baru belajar, kalau salah tolong tunjukkan.."

Happy fasting to those who can :)

Everything Happens For a Reason

That's what they say. And yes, I do believe it's true.

At the Arabic class yesterday our teacher Mr. Bilal was telling us how he ended up in Malaysia. And Subhanallah, the story is nothing short of an amazing tale of intertwining fates. He was made redundant from a job as a computer specialist. He felt lost and decided to travel to Makkah for Umrah, during which he met a cousin of his whom he fell-in-fancy with. He married her, and they went back to Yemen where he was raised. In his desperate efforts for a job, he met the man who later played a vital role in bringing him here to Malaysia. And this all happened within the span of several months.

Dare I say something that has plagued my mind for years..?

If Ninie didn't die, I wouldn't be where I am now. If Ninie who was one of my oldest dearest friends, did not die, I wouldn't have decided to throw away all the care I had in the world and have a baby. If Ninie didn't die, I wouldn't feel afraid of having my life snatched away from me tonight or tomorrow.

Not a day passes that I don't think of her. I will always miss her. I miss her laughter and everything that made her unique. And I know one day I'll see her again when the time comes.

Morbid talk aside.. Do you ever wonder what in your life, what is that thing that happened for what reason(s)? We all have things that happen and change our lives permanently in unbelievable ways.

For me, Ninie was (is) one of those things.

What's yours? What changed your life forever..?

Of Cicaks

I HATE house lizards a.k.a. cicaks. I hate it when they appear out of nowhere and start crawling and squirming all over your legs in utter panic (who's supposed to be panicky here?!). I hate it when they sneak their heads out of under the washing machine to peak at what I'm doing in my own kitchen in the middle of the night and early mornings. I hate the very way they wriggle and squirm. They are utterly disgusting and I cannot stand them. The very thought of cicaks squirming anywhere within a ten-foot pole's distant is enough to make the hair on my neck stand up. Gross!

Today it happened again. I was busy washing chicken pieces to cook for lunch and had been standing there for a good 10 minutes when suddenly a cicak crawled onto my foot and started wriggling from foot to foot. Grosssssssss!

You bet I did a grand red-indian-rain-dance complete with shrieks that put those crows on the windowsill to shame. And to add salt to wound, the maid who had never seen her stalwart employer so out of control immediately got to her feet like a person at the ready to go to war, with exclamations of; "Puan! Puan! Apa itu? Apa ituuu?? Apa ituuuu Puannnnn???!" .. and in all that commotion, Gibran grabbed his lightsaber and rushed into the kitchen with shrieks of; "Kenape Mummy?! Kenape Mummy?? Kenapaaaaaaaaaaa Mummyy!! Are you okay?! ARE YOU OKAY MUMMYYYYY!!"....

Pffft.

All that just for one lousy cicak's sake.

I wish I know how to exterminate those pests!

For Malaysians With Scoliosis

I have finally started a blog on Scoliosis and it is here:

http://scoliosismalaysia.blogspot.com/

It's still empty (no-frills) and I'll have to work on it a lot more. I'm hoping to meet up with several specialists this June and start building a proper support network for young people with Scoliosis. It will be no easy feat, so I pray God will help me as I go along.

To anyone out there with Scoliosis, or knows anyone with Scoliosis, or anyone seeking information regarding Scoliosis and its treatments in Malaysia.. please do get in touch with me through my email as shown in the Scoliosis blog.

This attempt is not to discuss the correct method for Scoliosis treatment, because treatments are patient-dependent. It is not to promote the sort of treatment(s) that I personally went through (surgical and non-surgical). It is for the sole purpose of getting Scoliosis patients together, so that they do no feel alone in their fight for "normality".

I will keep you guys updated with the progress to achieve a support group. Wish me luck, friends!

I Need to Learn

Is it true that if a mother does not sleep at night because of caring of her sick child, that her pahala is similar to freeing 70 slaves?

I am ignorant and need to learn. I need guidance and direction. So help me God, and those of you out there?

H's cousin Abang Rizal helped out by sending some materials for me to study. Thanks Abang Rizal, I appreciate them! Although I am ashamed to say that I have not managed to go through all of them yet, I can honestly say I'm starting to make progress with my life, Insyaallah :)

But progress and learning should be continuous. Lollies, ada any advise tak? Where should I start this religious/spiritual quest?

A mother indeed gets a lot of pahala from raising her children. A form of Ibadah indeed. If only I knew better, I wouldn't have complained so much about that first year when Gibran was always ill and we feared we'd lose him every time he was sick.

So there. All the more reason for this much needed quest.


A then-ill Gibran reaching out to Mummy.

To Train a Maid

We got our new maid last Friday and so far it's been so-so. Some things she's good at, some things she's not. One thing for sure, she's no Nila and I'm trying hard not to compare them. Nila also has her positive as well as negative sides, as all us humans do.

I know not many friends read this blog of mine yet but I do have a query to ask all of you out there.

How do you train a new maid to do things your way? I do so welcome any tips you guys have.

The main thing for me is Gibran's safety and the maid's hygiene. More often than not, hygiene is always a major issue for me because.. what can I say. I'm fussy about cleanliness. I think about bacteria and get grossed out if the same sponge is used to wash plates as well as the sink. I have separate cloths for wiping the countertops, the floors and other things concerning Gibran (like his high table and his toys). I don't like the dish towel to be put near the other cloths, because can you imagine the bacteria that comes from the floor ending up on your plates? Bluergh. Don't get me started. Talking about this will put me off my next meal.

So. You get the picture. Yes I am fussy about cleanliness and all those gross stuff.

But trust me when I say that I have been trying to be less picky and often turn a blind eye on how things are done as long as things get done, and everything looks spic and span. I try to pretend I don't care as much but who am I kidding. Once if I "kantoi" (catch them!) the maids in the act of doing something in what I think is unclean method..... I have a hard time holding it together. Pfft.

The truth is people like me should probably not have help because we like to do things ourselves! A voice in my head tells me that this is probably why God bestowed me with a trying spine. He has bigger plans on my controlling nature. Wallahualam (only God knows).

Crazy Roti Man

I dunno why lately I've been sleeping really weirdly. I sleep REALLY lightly sometimes, but REALLY "heavily" (like earthquake also won't wake up!) some other times.

But nearly every morning, Gibran will fidget like mad and I will definitely wake from whatever reverie I was in when our breadman comes honking. His is one of those air-horn-like horns.. I've no idea how to describe it, you know lah how rotimen horns go honking on and on .. in my head I have an image of a fat black horn that honks with the press of a hand.

He comes by some time in between 8.30 to 9 a.m. and would not stop honking till the maid opens the front door. Sometimes I can hear Nila running to the front of the house all the way from the back of the house.

I've asked Nila if she'd told him not to honk so persistently (two or three honks enough la fella..), and she said she has. But he continues to honk and honk and honk.

This begs the question of whether I should even continue to buy from this irritating, crazy roti man!