April 30th marked one year of my second spinal surgery when the doctors took out the implants which were put in for spinal fusion / correction in October 2002.
I never took pictures of the titanium implants that used to be inside me. Much less blogged about it. Maybe it's hightime I do that, just for memory's sake.
This is a photo of the xray on the broken spinal implants which were taken in February 2008. The implants have been broken for some time and apparently became loose after all that time, especially since I gave birth. The implants caused infection in the area surrounding the spine, and caused high fever (on a daily basis) for nearly four months until I agreed to have them taken out in April 30th.
These are the implants, consisting of two long titanium rods which were screwed in on either side of my spinal cord, from T1 to L4. That means the first thoracic vertebrae (near the nape of the neck) until the fourth lumbar vertebrae (which is your lower back). Mine is an S-shaped curve, therefore it involves practically the entire length of spinal cord. In other words, the two long rods are.... very long. It ran the entire length of my spine from T1 to L4. Some patients only have a thoracic curve or only a lumbar curve, so their fusion (the spinal area which is operated on) will not be as lengthy. For instance, in one of my cousin's case (yes I've two other cousins with Scoliosis but both are doing fine with implants still on their spine), she has a lumbar curve and was operated only on the lumbar area, which means the long rods on her spine are only half as long as mine.
If I had to guess, I'd say the long titanium rods are perhaps about 40 cm long..? Not too sure about that but they're definitely longer than those long rulers kids use in school.
The screws and "pins" (can't remember exactly what they're called) were used to screw / pin the long rods onto the spinal cord. In other words, they help hold the rods in place. From the xray above you can see that the screw on my L4 vertebrae had broken, which caused the rods to slowly losen up because mother nature is after all stronger than titanium rods. By "mother nature" I mean the "natural" S-shape of my spine, which was apparently fighting to be held in place by the titanium rods and screws.
So why do I even bother taking pictures of the implants, and talking about them? Do I enjoy reminiscing and glorifying in the fact that I survived two major spinal surgeries and am still walking and living normally?
The truth is this. I want to remember and never forget. I want Gibran to remember and never forget. That we are small and Allah's fate is big and we cannot fight it. What we can do is to live with it and accept it as best as we can because this is what we do as "hamba" Allah. God's subjects.
To remember that all good things be it good or bad all come from God.
To remember that whatever bad that comes can be turned into something good and you must learn to live with it as best as you can.
To remember that Allah gives some, and Allah takes some. You can never have it all in this life.
And lastly, in the depth of my heart, I want to record this for whoever out there experiencing the same situation. Be it my blood or strangers. Maybe one day one of my grandkids would experience this. I don't know what God has in store. But I want to say my say, and my say is this;
you can live with Scoliosis and spinal pain, but you have to have faith and be strong. For God will help those who help themselves, Insyaallah.
Our fate is written, but not the
way how you deal with it. You can accept it with grace, or you can moan and condemn yourself to unhappiness.
Like I said, I don't know if this is the end of the road. Scoliosis is a life-long thing, and one does not
heal from Scoliosis. So I suppose in my own way, I am also writing this for myself. To tell myself to always remember that one day life can be good... and then the next day everything can change in a blink of an eye.
The titanium implants are now out here with me, to constantly remind me of all this.
