When You Least Want It!

Have you ever gone out looking like a pauper / bag-lady / whatever-not-flattering-term-you-wanna-use-please-insert-here.... and then you bump into a blogger friend or someone you haven't seen in quite a while?

My karma's funny that way. Mind you, not funny ha-ha but funny NOT-funny, you know??!

Last Saturday we made an impromptu decision to go to One Utama because H needed to pick up his suit from Zara (a birthday + anniversary present from yours truly, ehemmmm). So I hurriedly threw whatever clothes I could get my hands on the quickest, tenyeh-tenyeh some light make-up on my face, put on the first hijab I found which seemed to match whatever clothes I'd put on, and hurriedly got Gibran and Gibran's stuff ready. As usual since Gib was born, I definitely spent more time getting him ready, rather than myself. Huhuuuhuuuu... sad case lah!

A few hours later as we ran out of fuel and about ready to head home (but not without some Roti Boy bread), into the lift we went to get some Roti Boy before heading home. As we struggled to get our "cute" bodies into the lift, I suddenly noticed a somewhat familiar face grinning at me. It turned out to be Sasha!

Hey Sasha, you look different than your pictures lah! And your kids are so cute! ;)

So despite not looking my best, I am definitely glad to have bumped into you! Hehehehee. Managed to chat also for a few minutes, which was nice :)

Then the real test happened yesterday.

We were heading home from my parents' house at 9.30 at night, when Mom (who was spending the night at our place) suddenly suggested we stop at Giant to get some stuff. I was dressed in a glorious "Environmental ABCs" t-shirt which I had had since I was thirteen years old and used to wear to the school's house practice and such. I figured since it was quite late on a Tuesday night, what are the chances of bumping into anyone we know lah?

Boy, was I wrong!

I had only one measly-looking scarf in the car which I threw on my head, and I even managed to touch my shiny nose with a spot of compact powder before rushing out of the car to make our quick purchases.

Lifts bring a unique sense of karma for me. I tend to bump into people in them.

As we were once again struggling to fit into an elivator, and heaving sighs of relief that everyone managed to fit into the small space, a lady wearing a fancy office outfit (obviously looking as if she just came back from work) with perfectly applied make-up suddenly called out...

"Nina... is that you...?"

Huhuhuuuuuuu. It was my junior from secondary school. We used to hang out while we attended curriculum activities and gossiped about boys back in the days when I constantly wore shorter-than-shorts cut-offs, Nirvana t-shirts and black nail polish.

So there I was in the greatest outfit of all times, chatting away as if I looked like a million bucks. I'm sure she'd seen me in this t-shirt before, in our teen days during one of those curriculum activities, and perhaps she might've even been amazed ("Wow! How thrifty! Still wearing clothes from our teenage days!").. with make-up-less face and drabby hijab and pants (mind you, I think hijabs are fashionable, just not the one I was wearing!) which may have further amazed her ("Wow! From a black nail polish-wearing girl who even wore make-up to house practice... to such a simple, fuss-less lady!").......

Goodness. Karma is a funny thing.

Lesson learned: Never ever go to public places with your house clothes.

I Need to Learn

Is it true that if a mother does not sleep at night because of caring of her sick child, that her pahala is similar to freeing 70 slaves?

I am ignorant and need to learn. I need guidance and direction. So help me God, and those of you out there?

H's cousin Abang Rizal helped out by sending some materials for me to study. Thanks Abang Rizal, I appreciate them! Although I am ashamed to say that I have not managed to go through all of them yet, I can honestly say I'm starting to make progress with my life, Insyaallah :)

But progress and learning should be continuous. Lollies, ada any advise tak? Where should I start this religious/spiritual quest?

A mother indeed gets a lot of pahala from raising her children. A form of Ibadah indeed. If only I knew better, I wouldn't have complained so much about that first year when Gibran was always ill and we feared we'd lose him every time he was sick.

So there. All the more reason for this much needed quest.


A then-ill Gibran reaching out to Mummy.

One Year Ago

Around this time one year ago, I started losing sensation on my left leg and could not walk. I had to be walked to work by Mom or Aunty. They'd wait for me to finish my lectures, then walked me back to the car. Looking back, I wish I'd taken their advice to get a pair of crutches or a walker. That way I wouldn't have troubled them so much. Thank you Mak and Aunty for your unconditional love and support.

Around this time one year ago, I hardly slept for months and months while I battled the pain caused by the infected titanium implants with supplements and painkillers of all sorts. H would massage my legs everynight before bed, and a few more times through the night when the pain was too much to bear. He took care of Gibran the minute he came back from work, he took over the night-time caring as well, and went to work hardly rested for months. So I wasn't the only one suffering from lack of sleep. I knew he was awake and watching me all those nights I spent in front of the TV or the Ogawa massage chair, trying to ease the pain and get at least a few minutes' sleep. Thank you H for the neverending love and support you've bestowed upon me all these years through health and sicknesses.

Around this time one year ago, I was convinced my days with Gibran were numbered. I kid you not.

Everyday I try to remember all this, and how lucky I am to have pulled through a serious situation such as this and came out okay. Alhamdulillah. Thank you, God, for giving me the much needed mental and emotional strength, for giving me a loving family who never tired of taking care of me, for friends who never made / make me feel abnormal or unloved, for the rezeki you gave so much so that I never had to worry about not being able to pay for medical bills. Thank you Allah for this life.

One year on, the tingling sensation down my spine and entire left side is a constant reminder of how fragile life is and how lucky we are if we get to live this life with that realisation. Like an enlightenment. Because then we'd learn to treasure every day we have in this world with our loved ones.


The bed where I spent most of my time in, and Gib would "visit" and spend time with me for short periods of time when health permitted.


Now I get a second chance to be in his life.

Premonition

I've watched "Premonition" a few times by now. And it gets me everyyyytime. Don't ask me why, ever since Ninie passed away 3 years ago, and since I had Gibran, some things get to me. Movies like "Freedomland" and "Premonition". Losing one of your oldest bestfriends and then having a baby whom you think you'd lose that first week you had him can do that to you, I suppose. Those things change a person.

Losing a spouse or a child is a scary thought but the honest truth is that it can happen to anyone, right?