Studying With Kids Around

I really respect women who're still studying (undergrad.. postgrad.. whatever) after they've had kids. I am so lousy at studying around kids. Honestly. I thank my lucky stars that I finished my masters before we had Gibran.

Today we were supposed to have an Arabic Exam for Level One. Hyuk hyukk.. yupp.. still in level one lah! So all of yesterday and today, I spent at my parents' house. After baths and breakfasts, Gib and I drove to KD two days in a row. While Gib played with his cousins, I studied.

Don't even get me started on the distractions and disturbances. Every other minute they'd be fighting or crying or demanding for something. Pffftt. But I managed to close one eye and just let the boys be boys. They climbed, they shrieked, they yelled, fought, wrestled, laughed, cried. Some blood was spilled every once in a while (Nabeel got kicked in the mouth by Shamel, Shamel got scratched on the face by Nabeel, Gib kicked Nabeel in the stomach... you get the idea).. and yet I managed to finish studying by late evening today. Woot woot, ladies, let me angkat bakul and feel pleased with myself la huhhh...

The exam was supposed to start at 8.30. At 7 p.m. our Ustaz called to say he was still stuck in UIA Gombak. So in the end, the exam has been postponed to Monday.

Talk about bad timing. Gahhhh.

Bad enough that the otak is already semi-karat. Bad enough that Gib sticks to me like a leech whenever we're in our own home so the only way I can study is if I bring him to see his cousins. Bad enough that the boys play in insane ways, enough to drive a sane Mum crazy (good thing I ain't that sane...??). The worst thing is... I gotta go through this again next week when I revise through the lessons again..!!!

Now folks, you better have some damn good respect for those ladies who did it all with their kids in tow.

On a Rainy Evening

I often nap with Gib when he naps in the evenings nowadays. Especially since the runaway maid thingy happened, evenings are our resting time. But thanks to Kanna's Curry House's 3 layer tea, I find myself wide awake while laying in bed resting the good ol' spine.

On rainy evenings like this my thoughts go back to my postgraduate friends who are now in different parts of the world. Friends that used to share and count on each other when living in a foreign land. Friends who you think you'd never lose touch with but eventually do. Now I sit here wondering where they are and what they do and whether every one of them is living the dream(s) that we used to dream of.

And that got me thinking of my dreams. How life works in mysterious ways and sometimes what you dream and plan to do never happens quite the way you wish it would.

Who'd thought that I'd be here today raising a kid and handling the house on my own? Five years ago I'd pictured me as a manager in some big company for sure. And yes I was damn sure that that picture would've happened if I'd set my mind to it and if I'd stick to the path that I'd chosen.

But fate is funny that way. The manager part did happen albeit fleetingly. Then the paths twisted and before I knew it, I'd followed this particular curve and end up here.

I was doing ironing while watching "Crossing Jordan" a few nights ago and thinking of Ria, Maddy, Nat, Miho, Kat, Susan, Eileen.. my partners in crime, then aspiring marketing-managers just like I was. Last I heard, Ria became a successful market researcher and then finally got married in her late 30s. Last I heard, Maddy was a manager with Microsoft Indonesia. Last I heard, Miho finally got the sponsorship she needed from Honda Australia. Last I heard, Nat was with a major advertising company in Thailand and doing wonders for the accounts she handled. Last I heard, Eileen got hitched and was promoted twice in one year in Hewlard Packard. Last I heard, Kat got a sought after job with Thai Air. Last I heard, Susan finally got promoted to senior management level that she so aimed for.

Then one by one, everyone disappeared from the big picture.

Life's funny that way. You can care for one another so much but life has a way of taking you away from your past. Sometimes (if you're lucky or unlucky) the past catches up with you. But sometimes, the past chooses to stay where it is; in the past.

On a rainy evening such as this, I hope they're all healthy, happy and I hope they know somehow that they're still in this small corner of my thoughts and my affection for them will never cease.

So what's my excuse for not writing?

There're plenty of them, I assure you.

First there was Ramadhan. Although not the easiest of Ramadhans, it was a wonderful, wonderful Ramadhan. Alhamdulillah.

Then there was the Raya celebration. This Raya we managed to jalan-jalan A LOT. Gibran is a wonderful toddler who handles himself well. Boleh bawak kiri, boleh bawak kanan. So we managed to visit quite a number of relatives. It was good.

Now, there's this little issue of the runaway maid. Hooboy. While my heart sings in joy over the fact that I do not have to constantly doa and zikir for patience in handling a hopeless case of a maid, my body is achy with all the work to be done around the house. Thankfully today the cleaning lady is here, relieving me off many chores. And leaving me with time to blog. Nyehhh ;)

The maid was a test I fear I failed, or with God's rahmat, very nearly failed while barely scraping through. Never have I had a more trying time trying to keep my patience and goodwill. Perhaps this is the way my prayers were answered. I prayed to be strong to go through what time was left with the maid in our home, and even to be relieved off the problem. And that's been done for me.

Who'd have thought that not having a maid can be so spiritually relaxing? Alhamdulillah, Subhanallah!

Now on to the next day.

As Ramadhan Ends

It has been a wonderful, trying but memorable Ramadhan. I'd looked forward to this month for months, and was tested by being given two "holidays" (Aunt Flo came for her visits) in one month! Never had this happened before. Wallahualam. God knows best.

Today during Sahur, I was chatting to H and Aunt (who'd spent the night at our house) about teenage years. So as this wonderful month comes to an end.. memories are coming at me in a flood. Only God knows why.

Sneaking to try out smoking for the first time in the bilik wudhu' at school, with dear friend Man on the lookout (in case teachers came along) for us girls who were in the bilik wudhu' (yes I was no angel). We got caught anyway and I got away with the crime only because of academic reputation and the special priviledges that came along with people with such a fortunate gift. Man is now residing in Dublin with his wife and son, and at times I miss his friendship so much that my eyes would swell and water.

Sneaking to have a meal at Paradise Cafe in One Utama during those days that we couldn't fast (the Aunt-Flo-Days), our dear friends who worked behind the counter sneaking us dish after dish while we sat huddled in a corner away from prying eyes. Said friends are all over the world now, at various top jobs and facing different personal trivials. Some married, some single, some even divorced. Partners in crime who've all gone separate ways.

Come this Raya, I wish we could turn back time for just one minute. Just one minute so that I could tell them all how much they'd meant to me at certain points of my life, and to thank them for all they'd done, and to plead for their forgiveness for all that I'd done wrong.

I wish this often, especially at this time of the year.

We cannot turn back time though I wish we could. But the next best thing that I can do is to try to appreciate the NOW more. And to tell those around me right now, how much they mean to me and how I am sorry for all the wrongs I've done.

To those special old friends.. my heart is with you, as it always is especially so at this time of the year. Though you may not even know it. May Allah lead us away from wrongs and gather us again together in Jannah one day. Where all the jaded-ness of time will fade away and I can once again tell you how much you've meant to me. InsyaAllah.

And to those of you reading this, Selamat Hari Raya and please forgive me for all my wrongdoings. In many ways, you've touched my life as well in special ways. Thank you :)

What The Mind Needs

H was up late writing out the course outline of a new subject module he is handling next semester. Since it was advertising-related, he asked for some advise from the so-called-marketing-specialist in the house. Yours truly lah, who else. Kah kah kah.

Then yours truly realised that.... ohmigosh!...

OTAK KARAT ALREADY!!

I thought I was doing a good job (obviously so perasan and angkat bakul!) of keeping the mind sharp. I make sure I read a lot (any subject will do, but in the past year it's been heavy on the religious and spiritual side, Alhamdulillah), I have Arabic classes twice a week and make sure that I revise whenever I can and I undertake personal projects that are of significance to myself and my family (e.g. create books for Gibran, various notebooks for myself, sewing, cooking, trying new things..). All for the sake of keeping the mind and soul sharp. But obviously it hasn't been good enough!

So there I was, trying to help H out with his subject module.. and slowly I felt that part of my brain waking up once again. After that I did my night-time readings and Arabic revision, and found it somewhat easier than usual.

Which made me wonder if I should go back to part-time work again. Just to get rid of that KARAT-ness from the mind and soul.

Then there is that small part of me that is afraid that work would consume me again (I am a person of extremes.. I kid you not. I do everything too obsessively..) and leave me with little time for the spiritual side of life.

Some people can do it all. I have come to accept the fact that attempting to do-it-all made me a grumpy person. Which in turn affected my family in negative ways.

So there. The dilemma stays. For now.



Note to self: Must look for ways to exercise the brain further!

Why I Don't Like Having a Maid

The main reason I don't like having a maid is because they're a test to the heart and soul. In other words; "mencabar keimanan". At least that's how I feel.

Having a maid is suppose to simplify your life. But this is not usually the case. In the mornings our maid cleans the house and does the laundry. You might think this means that the employer's worries about cleanliness and clothes are non-existent, but this isn't so. There is the constant worry and need to check whether the maid's using the washing machine correctly (many a machines have been destroyed at various maids' hands), and whether the clothes are hung correctly. Clothes would be hung peg-less and many a piece of clothing would be scattered all over the garden if checking isn't done. Clothes would also stink and stain if they are not cleaned and washed properly, which is often the case in our house. And there's the ironing issue. Many clothes have been burnt and scarred by poor usage of the iron and so the ironing is also another chore requiring constant check-ups.

So those are the worries one has concerning the maid and the laundry. Lets get down to the next issue of cleaning and cleanliness.

Using the vacuum cleaner requires constant guidance and monitoring as well. Although taught to use the vacuum many times, our maid still uses it wrongly. Vacuum is left switched on for too long until the motor feels like it's about to explode. Dust isn't emptied correctly and servicing would be required soon after. Yet another machine with a history of many ill-treatments at the hand of various maids. Washing the toilet needs constant spot-checks too. Brushes meant for usage on the toilet floor would be used for the sinks and tubs if not checked on. Whatever that has been taught ten times would have to be repeated constantly over the weeks just in case the maid claims; "Saya dah lupa.." about what you teach.

And then there're the hygiene issues.

Repeatedly told not to rub her nose or play with her toenails and such (yes the maid does this) while feeding the kid... the maid would still do it if one doesn't keep an eagle eye on her. How'd you feel about a hair or (worse still) a booger in your kid's food?

Then there're all the other small things that you've taught but are constantly done wrong because... "Saya lupa.." ("I forgot") or "Saya ingatkan boleh buat begitu.." ("I thought it could be done this way"). Want examples? Using the sponge to wash plates to wash sinks and stovetops is one such example. Or "forgetting" to clean the brown stains and scums in various parts of the toilets when asked to wash the toilet. Or even forgetting to take her own mid-day shower which results in a really stinky body odour by early evening (errr.. God forgive me for saying this).

So if you still think having a maid simplifies life, think again. If you're one of the blessed people who have good maids, good on you! But if you're right here in the same boat as I am in...

May God give us strength and patience indeed!

I need a maid because God gave me the test of the spine. I cannot do a lot of housework and am not allowed to lift Gib when necessary. At every mealtime the maid lifts Gib into his high-chair and during car rides, the maid lifts him into his carseat. When / If Gib is unwell and needs cuddling, the maid lifts him up and puts him on my lap because I am not allowed to do this myself. So yes.. having a maid is a necessity to me. And as Allah is my witness, the maid is also one of life's biggest trials that God has sent me. Wallahualam. I should be glad that my life's trials are not bigger than mere maid-issues.

But as usual there is one last thing that needs to be said.

To those without maids, I envy you and respect you for making that choice.

And one day when the child(ren) are grown up and there isn't a need to have a stay-in maid, I'm sure there are other things to complain about. Hehh. C'est la vie!

Ramadhan's Challenges

Already some personal challenges have come my way. I am quite sad at the turn of events. But alas, there is still time and hope to ponder and improve in this wonderful month. InsyaAllah. May God guide me to a better path here onwards.

Some people have been "carrying their mouths" ("bawak mulut" ..) and saying untrue things which could get in the way of one of the oldest relationships I've had in my life. No, not with H lah. I'm talking about one of oldest, most treasured friends. One of the few I still hold on to and have hopes to one day share stories about our grandchildren.

I must write about this because it is something we can and must learn from.

Don't exaggerate or make-up stories about non-existent issues. Your seemingly harmless lies may harm people in ways you cannot imagine and unknown to you.

Although we say we don't do this.. in reality we all do. In some way or another. In little ways or in big ways. Whatever it is, now that the hurt is right here in my field, I say we should all strive to always be aware of what we say or do. For in doing and saying things that we think are harmless, we could possibly bring hurt into other people's lives.

We could and should strive to be better people, friends. Maybe we can improve together.

Quick Wantan Mee

With the H1N1 rampantly spreading, we seldom eat out nowadays. We recently had a yearning for Wantan Mee, so I decided to make it myself. It is soooo easy to make, I doubt we'll be having wantan mee in restaurants anymore (unless the Lazy Bug comes and infects us in the future!).

I didn't make any actual wantans/wantons because H and I are both allergic to prawns. I know! What is wantan mee without the wantans, right?! Well, if you wish to have the mee with wantan, I'd say go and buy those ready-made ones in supermarkets (available at the frozen section) and give em a quick fry. Or boil em in chicken stock. There's one brand that's particularly good but I'd forgotten the name. Will go looksie the next time I'm at the supermarket.

So here's the recipe...

QUICK WANTAN MEE


1 pack wantan noodle (approximately 200 grams; available at the chilled noodle and tauhu section in supermarkets)
2 small bunches of Pak Choy (you can use normal sawi but we love baby Pak Choy)
2 pieces chicken fillet (I use 2 pieces of boneless chicken maryland because they're juicier than chicken breasts)
Salt and white pepper

Sauce ingredients (which can be adjusted as you like):
4 tablespoons oyster sauce
1 tablespoon kicap manis (we use Habhal)
1 tablespoon kicap masin (we use Tamin)
2 teaspoons sesame oil
a pinch of salt

Method:

1. For the chicken; season well with salt and white pepper, steam in a steamer until cooked (about 20 minutes). Once cooked, cut into bite pieces.
2. For the pak choy; cut into bite pieces and throw them into a pot of boiling and well-salted water, boil until cooked. Drain and set aside. You can sprinkle a little of sesame oil and salt on it if you want, but we like it as is.
3. Mix all the sauce ingredients in a large bowl. Set aside.
4. For the noodles; take noodles out of packet, unravel the tightly bunched noodles until all of it loosens. Boil a pot of water, put the noodles in the boiling water. Do not leave noodles in hot water too long. A mere 10-15 seconds in the boiling water would do. If you like softer noodles, boil it until it floats. But I like chewy noodles, so my noodles took a really short dip in the boiling water. The next step is IMPORTANT. If you want springy and chewy noodles (not mushy!), you must prepare a big bowl of iced, cold water on the side. Drain the noodles from the pot, shake off all excess water. Then quickly dunk the noodle into the bowl of iced, cold water. Some people advise to dunk them into hot water again after that, but I don't do this. I just dunk mine in the cold water (for about 5 seconds or so), then took them out while they're still warm. The idea here is to let the noodles stop cooking.
5. Shake off all excess water and put the noodles into the sauce we'd mixed in step 3. Toss until the noodles are evenly coated by the sauce.
6. Serve immediately, with chicken slices and pak choy on top.

Note: Many people like their chicken roasted for this dish. I used steamed chicken because we like steamed chicken. Sometimes we'd marinate the chicken pieces with barbeque sauce (the hickory smoke sauce from Life is good and goes well with this dish, so we marinate the chicken in this), and cooked them in a skillet, on the stove with just a light spray of oil.

Cobaan...

Remember in Pendekar Bujang Lapok when the three jokers were chanting the "Hey Mambang kuning, mambang whatever.." mantra, whenever they were disrupted they'd say.. "COBAAN...!"
(i.e. cubaan @ dugaan @ a test).

I don't know if it was too much P. Ramlee movies as a kid, but I say that a lot whenever I'm disturbed or perturbed. In all seriousness or as a joke. "COBAAN..." always seems to be the one-word phase that covers pretty much how I feel about the situation at hand.

And on the first day of Ramadhan, one was sent down to me.

Right after breaking fast and praying Maghrib.. I got my period.

COBAAN....

I'm really sad about this this time around because this is the first time I'm fasting in five years. I've waited for this Ramadhan with such anticipation, only to have it flail on the very first night.

But, Allah knows best.

Even with Aunt Flo's visit, there're ways to still reap the benefits of Ramadhan, I'm sure.

Do zikirs, do doas. Read the Quran and its terjemahans. Jauhkan from all negativities and sikap buruk. I can't seem to do this as well as I wish I could, but in trying to control our nafsu, there is Ibadah there. Insyaallah.

Anybody else has any tips to share for those of us who can't fast at the moment? I know Sarah's in the same boat as I am right now.

"Saya budak baru belajar, kalau salah tolong tunjukkan.."

Happy fasting to those who can :)

A Good Start to Ramadhan

The doc declared the foot healed! Praise Allah! Yippee yeahh yayy!

Still, no walking or jogging exercise sessions for one more month. The soft tissue and tendon are healed but still tender.

And Ramadhan is here!

Lollies sent me a package containing books and reads which I totally love because they're so suitable for those free moments in Ramadhan. Thank you so much, Lolls, you're a constant inspiration to me. So sorry that we couldn't meet :( Sungguh menyedihkan tak dapat jumpa you. My sincerest apologies. These past few weeks have been a whirlwind. I want to take pictures of the books you sent but my Mom and H have started reading them and now they're in various rooms in the house! Thank you again, Lollies.

On another note, Alhamdulillah, I am amazed at the fact that I am once again fasting. After years of suffering from severe gastric, the illness has miraculously left me (even if this is a temporary situation, I am indeed thankful). In my book, miracles do happen indeed. This month is such a great month and I am hopeful and excited to reap benefits from it. Benefits which are good for the spirit and soul, Insyaallah.

Hope the start of Ramadhan is as amazing for you as it is for me :)