As Ramadhan Ends

It has been a wonderful, trying but memorable Ramadhan. I'd looked forward to this month for months, and was tested by being given two "holidays" (Aunt Flo came for her visits) in one month! Never had this happened before. Wallahualam. God knows best.

Today during Sahur, I was chatting to H and Aunt (who'd spent the night at our house) about teenage years. So as this wonderful month comes to an end.. memories are coming at me in a flood. Only God knows why.

Sneaking to try out smoking for the first time in the bilik wudhu' at school, with dear friend Man on the lookout (in case teachers came along) for us girls who were in the bilik wudhu' (yes I was no angel). We got caught anyway and I got away with the crime only because of academic reputation and the special priviledges that came along with people with such a fortunate gift. Man is now residing in Dublin with his wife and son, and at times I miss his friendship so much that my eyes would swell and water.

Sneaking to have a meal at Paradise Cafe in One Utama during those days that we couldn't fast (the Aunt-Flo-Days), our dear friends who worked behind the counter sneaking us dish after dish while we sat huddled in a corner away from prying eyes. Said friends are all over the world now, at various top jobs and facing different personal trivials. Some married, some single, some even divorced. Partners in crime who've all gone separate ways.

Come this Raya, I wish we could turn back time for just one minute. Just one minute so that I could tell them all how much they'd meant to me at certain points of my life, and to thank them for all they'd done, and to plead for their forgiveness for all that I'd done wrong.

I wish this often, especially at this time of the year.

We cannot turn back time though I wish we could. But the next best thing that I can do is to try to appreciate the NOW more. And to tell those around me right now, how much they mean to me and how I am sorry for all the wrongs I've done.

To those special old friends.. my heart is with you, as it always is especially so at this time of the year. Though you may not even know it. May Allah lead us away from wrongs and gather us again together in Jannah one day. Where all the jaded-ness of time will fade away and I can once again tell you how much you've meant to me. InsyaAllah.

And to those of you reading this, Selamat Hari Raya and please forgive me for all my wrongdoings. In many ways, you've touched my life as well in special ways. Thank you :)