Sunday came and everyone gathered at our humble home in DU. All of Mom's siblings and half of my cousins were there. My parents' maid, Bibik M cooked a whole lot of meehoon and stayed the day at our place to help me out with the serving and clean-up. For the most, we sat and chatted happily about the coming of Hajj for Aunty Sham.
Maghrib came, and the moment came for us to leave for Tabung Haji to send Aunty off. One of Mom's cousins said a little do'a and it dawned on me what a precious thing this is. This opportunity, this golden golden golden opportunity given by God for us to be able to go to Hajj.
As family members sniffed happily and nostalgically waved us off, I know it was a sight that I would never forget. It is wonderful when going-on-Hajj brings us together. I was 9 years old when my parents left for Hajj, and I never forgot the feelings I felt when we waved them off.
How can I ever explain it? Hajj is indeed beyond words. It is an overwhelmingly weird mixture of happiness and sadness that you feel as you watch your loved ones go on their religious journey. This journey where the sole purpose is to serve God. Indeed our whole lives should be lived for the sole purpose to serve God, but it is on Hajj (and Umrah) that this is so very magnified.
When your loved ones go on Hajj, you're faced with this feeling of complete surrender. Of berserah and tawakkal. Because you're faced with the possibility of not seeing your loved ones alive again. In the old days, people go on Hajj by sea, and the travel was hard and many do not survive the journey. In the holy land of Makkah, anything can happen, and indeed you must face the reality that you cannot do anything to protect your loved ones except through prayers and tawakkal.
The wait at Tabung Haji was as I remember as a child. Long and tiring. The place was crowded, full of tired and irritable people. Emotional men and women and children gathering to send their loved ones off on their fateful journeys of the Hajj.
And as I hugged Aunty goodbye and the Talbiyah recordings came on, I swear my heart felt so full and emotional that it got really hard to keep all my insides from falling out (I can't describe this any other way). So overwhelmed that I prayed hard right there and then for God to please let my time for Hajj come too one day. Insyaallah.
Waiting for the day when I too would be given the chance to join the throngs of people calling out the Talbiyah.
"Here I am at Your service O Allah, here I am. Here I am at Your service and You have no partners. You alone are All Praise and All Bounty, and You alone are The Sovereignty. You have no partners."
* Picture is of Makkah as I remember as a 7 year-old child.
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