My mummy-group friend, S, is a thalassemia minor carrier and so is her husband. When she was pregnant with her child, A (who's Gibran's classmate now), his fetus had to be tested to determine if abortion would be required. As Allah willed it, A escaped the dreaded fate.
S is not willing to go through the traumatic experience ever again. There is too large a chance that the next baby would not be so lucky, and termination might be required. So she isn't going to have another baby.
A week ago she told me it fully hit her, finally, that A would never have a sibling to squabble and grow up with. A would always be playing alone and would never know the joys and sorrows of having siblings. And when S and her husband leave this world, A will be alone with noone to reminisce his childhood with. And as the reality dawned on her, she cried all night long.
My other friend, A, has serious thyroid problems and is advised against having babies. She took the risk and had one. And nearly died from it. The child is now 11 years old, the apple of her eye, the center of her being and everything that she lives for. In shopping complexes, she looks at stressed-out mothers with battalions of kids with eyes full of yearning. When there are babies at our get-togethers she can be found sitting with them, not with the adults. She holds on to her daughter's hand as they walk together much as if it was her lifeline.
Sometimes I don't know which is worse. Having one, or having none at all.
At every family gathering there will be somebody who asks us why we aren't having any more kids, and why we're so slow at reproducing. Don't we want to give Gibran a friend? Indeed we are being selfish. Hmmmm.
At every gathering when mothers talk about kids, we are cast aside and our opinions aren't given due credit because.. ".. it isn't the same for you, you wouldn't know how it is, you've only got one kid."
I wouldn't change my fate for anything in the world. The day Gibran came into my life was the best day of my life. So say what you want. Criticise me, scorn at me. I stand by this question.
Is it really better to have one, than to have none at all..?
Yeah, bring on the punches.
Happy Eid Al Adha
15 years ago
3 comments:
babe...mulut org we cannot stop kan...biar jer la. Allah knows whats best for us. Redha and terima jer. In my case plak, since among my besties...i sorang jer yg dh beranak pinak..i feel left out most of the time cz the girls will be talking about their coming trip to NYC la..UK laaa...nk beli itu la ini la...i got no one to share my motherhood stories...huwaaa...sad huh....bt then again...tkd la sad sgt...cz no matter what haziq and zara la nyawa i...lantak la org sekeliling :p (sori...emo plak)
zai; thanks dear, your words are such comfort to me. memang org punya mulut tak tapis,kan! if u nak emo dgn i, i no problem je tau, sebab i pun emo gak. hehehehehe kita kamcing k..
ive been asking myself this question endlessly lately - more or less. im thinking should i have another pregnancy and risk losing him/her to a miscarriage ... or none at all and just be happy with my lot? im thinking a lot abt the 'risks' of having another baby. at the same time i have tummy envy. cant see any woman pregnant without thinking 'lets see if my baby was still here id be about XX weeks by now' etc. i shdnt have told the kids bec they have tummy envy too. they cant see a pregnant woman without asking me about our baby that died. so i am50/50 about having another one.
but ofcourse this discussion is moot, because the husband is refusing to wear a condom especially during ovulation time for some strange reason ... so ... who knows what will happen next.
abt other ppl and wht they say. u know lah these other ppl they will always 'say' bec this is asia after all. they are asking me when im going to have a daughter. sigh! it never ends. :D
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