I never took pictures of the titanium implants that used to be inside me. Much less blogged about it. Maybe it's hightime I do that, just for memory's sake.
This is a photo of the xray on the broken spinal implants which were taken in February 2008. The implants have been broken for some time and apparently became loose after all that time, especially since I gave birth. The implants caused infection in the area surrounding the spine, and caused high fever (on a daily basis) for nearly four months until I agreed to have them taken out in April 30th.
These are the implants, consisting of two long titanium rods which were screwed in on either side of my spinal cord, from T1 to L4. That means the first thoracic vertebrae (near the nape of the neck) until the fourth lumbar vertebrae (which is your lower back). Mine is an S-shaped curve, therefore it involves practically the entire length of spinal cord. In other words, the two long rods are.... very long. It ran the entire length of my spine from T1 to L4. Some patients only have a thoracic curve or only a lumbar curve, so their fusion (the spinal area which is operated on) will not be as lengthy. For instance, in one of my cousin's case (yes I've two other cousins with Scoliosis but both are doing fine with implants still on their spine), she has a lumbar curve and was operated only on the lumbar area, which means the long rods on her spine are only half as long as mine.
If I had to guess, I'd say the long titanium rods are perhaps about 40 cm long..? Not too sure about that but they're definitely longer than those long rulers kids use in school.
The screws and "pins" (can't remember exactly what they're called) were used to screw / pin the long rods onto the spinal cord. In other words, they help hold the rods in place. From the xray above you can see that the screw on my L4 vertebrae had broken, which caused the rods to slowly losen up because mother nature is after all stronger than titanium rods. By "mother nature" I mean the "natural" S-shape of my spine, which was apparently fighting to be held in place by the titanium rods and screws.
So why do I even bother taking pictures of the implants, and talking about them? Do I enjoy reminiscing and glorifying in the fact that I survived two major spinal surgeries and am still walking and living normally?
The truth is this. I want to remember and never forget. I want Gibran to remember and never forget. That we are small and Allah's fate is big and we cannot fight it. What we can do is to live with it and accept it as best as we can because this is what we do as "hamba" Allah. God's subjects.
To remember that all good things be it good or bad all come from God.
To remember that whatever bad that comes can be turned into something good and you must learn to live with it as best as you can.
To remember that Allah gives some, and Allah takes some. You can never have it all in this life.
And lastly, in the depth of my heart, I want to record this for whoever out there experiencing the same situation. Be it my blood or strangers. Maybe one day one of my grandkids would experience this. I don't know what God has in store. But I want to say my say, and my say is this; you can live with Scoliosis and spinal pain, but you have to have faith and be strong.
For God will help those who help themselves, Insyaallah.
Our fate is written, but not the way how you deal with it. You can accept it with grace, or you can moan and condemn yourself to unhappiness.
Like I said, I don't know if this is the end of the road. Scoliosis is a life-long thing, and one does not heal from Scoliosis. So I suppose in my own way, I am also writing this for myself. To tell myself to always remember that one day life can be good... and then the next day everything can change in a blink of an eye.
The titanium implants are now out here with me, to constantly remind me of all this.
11 comments:
you know woman.. looking at those gadgets make me realise u're one very tough woman. And i believe looking at those things make u appreciate life everyday.
everyone goes through something BB. I am glad Allah gave you the strength to go though this and blessed you with good people around you to help. Alhamdulillah
I am looking at all the screws soma and teringat kat kartun futurama yang robot tu.
Ok in seriousness, Subhanallah my dear sister, I can only imagine what strength is but you actually went through it. May Allah make the pain we suffer as expiation of our sins.
If I hug you kuat-kuat sakit tak?
omfg, those screws scares the daylights outta me! if you're not bionic, well i don't know what you are! ok kidding... one look at this and i know i should quit whining about my back pain.
You are a brave woman. I hope you stay strong in your difficult time. Seeing all the screws and rods that were placed in your body make me really thankful to Allah for what he has given me. No more whinning.Masyallah.
sasha; thank u dear! hehhh the honest to goodness truth is that i'm not trying to show my tough-ness. i just need to remind myself every so often to be grateful for my good health!! and yes, to appreciate life to the fullest everyday!
Mrs. A; how right u are! everyone has some sort of test from God. alhamdulillah mine is something treat-able and i've been blessed with great family and frens.
lollies; thanks so much for your kind words! can hug kuat-kuat! dah no more implants to cucuk cucuk my insides. huhuhuhuuuu haru je..
anne; backpains are never something to laugh about! so if u whine abt back pains pun i totally understand!
zue murphy; thank you for your kind words, zue! indeed everyday that we get to do activities like any normal ppl is a huge blessing. bayangkan ada org with scoliosis yg wheelchair-bound. so trying and sad.
Hi there - I have titanium rods and screws as a result of a fracture of the L1 six years ago. I've been in pain ever since - no chance of getting them out of my body. However I am still walking, working every day, and could be much worse, like in a wheelchair. I am not on much medication at all, just somehow deal with it. I pick and choose what I do carefully. I have never met anyone who has had this done. May God bless you.
anonymous; hi there, thanks for dropping a comment :) i can imagine the sort of pain u go through and it isnt easy living with that pain on a daily basis. it's so true that one always has to pick one's activities carefully and always always be careful no matter what u're doing, every second of the day when you've got spinal problems. at the end of the day, though, i think it's well worth it because.. "better safe than sorry" is the mantra i live by. good luck and all the best to u too! God bless!
Hi there...I am a 23 year old woman...I had a surgery for titanium implants in my spine from t10 to t12...on sept 7th 2010. I am newly married as well... it provides me some insight into what you ladies out there felt with the same...
My implants will be removed in 9 months to on year.....Has any one of you asked this to your physiotherapist - can i get pregnant during this time?
hi vishpriya,
your surgery's really recent so u must be in the initial recovery stage, is that correct? many medical professionals are of the opinion that the first 6 months to 1 yr is the most vulnerable time and one must take good care not to stress the spine as it takes time for it to fuse after the surgery. in my case i was careful never to bend, lift or twist (BLT) my body especially in the first 3 to 6 months since my surgery involved the whole spine. in the next 6 months to 1 yr, i also made sure i did not carry heavy loads more than 10 kilos, just to give the good ol' spine more time to fuse nicely. but that's just me and every case is different. if ure planning to get pregnant u should really talk to your surgeon because they know best. i got married more than a year after my surgery, and by then my doctors told me that it was alright to get pregnant. have faith in your doctors' opinions :) hope all goes well with you! all the best!
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